With perseverance and great effort, one can achieve emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence allows you to properly deal with all of the unexpected, and undesired feelings we get flushed with from time to time.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just something you’re born with. It’s something that you learn and master through a series of stressful and overwhelming emotions. It is an adaptability to the consistent flow of undesired emotions we experience in life! Someone who is emotionally intelligent is able to separate their emotions from their overall quality of life. Just because they might be experiencing a hard time or an influx of unwanted feelings doesn’t mean your life sucks – it just means you’re experiencing a normal, everyday encounter with those nasty things we call emotions.
What’s the most undesirable emotion you think you can feel? Probably depression, sadness, or anger, right? Well, to me, anger is one of my all time least favorite things to feel. Anger makes you feel resentment towards someone you shouldn’t, makes you want to do unhealthy things, and all in all it just never ends well. Anger sucks, and it’s one of the most practiced emotions to control by emotionally intelligent people. But how do they do it?
People who are emotionally intelligent are able to separate feelings from logic. They are mindful of the consequences of getting angry and overreacting. Staying conscious to the effects of your emotions will better help you identify the aspects you need more work on.
We can’t help but to form close relationships with the people around us, and we definitely can’t keep them from pissing us off – because we all know they will eventually! But we value these people and care about them, even though they are really pushing your buttons. Anger can have a tremendous effect on relationships because when we’re angry we tend to say or do things we don’t mean or act irrationally.
Overall, anger is not a very positive emotions for relationships. We naturally begin to distance ourselves from aggressive or negative people for a reason. To be able to differentiate between anger and the rational is by using the power of understanding. It’s a skill that humans are privileged to have because it enables us to be able to work through any issues and work together to achieve a common goal – in this scenario, working through anger without hurting the relationship.
The next time someone is pushing your buttons and really making you want to say some mean things, practice the skills below. They can tremendously improve your relationships by keeping you and your loved ones hurting each other when you’re angry!
1. Be Self Aware
Take a few seconds out of the heated situation and identify what is truly going on around you. What is happening, who is affected, what are the consequences? What do you want to happen? Be self aware and stay conscious of the cause and effect result from your actions. This ideally refreshes your sense of the situation, and it keeps you from blowing things out of proportion.
The most crucial key to mastering your anger and relationships is by being able to understand. You are there for a reason and there is something about the other person that originally brought you together. Understand the other person’s point of view, emotions, and why they feel the way they do. Take into consideration if it was yourself that was feeling that way.
3. Don’t Misplace Blame
It’s common for us to become anxious or antsy when we are hungry, tired, or experiencing any kind of discomforting internal factors. If you just flat out aren’t feeling well, make sure you aren’t taking your stress out on someone else. Don’t cause problems where there aren’t any just because you don’t feel good.
4. Be Compassionate
You have feelings too and everyone is able to understand. You have to look at things from someone else’s point of view. How would you feel if you were in their situation? Empathy and compassion are key to resolving issues with the people you care about.
5. Remember What’s Important
No matter what made you annoyed or angry, do not forget why you are there in the first place. There’s something that made you care about this person and you have a desire to make things right – so take advantage of that. Remember your deep care for the person angering you and realign your emotional priorities.
6. Call Them Out
Don’t be as aggressive as you usually would, but if someone you know if wronging you and it’s hurting you, call them out for it! Make them take note of the way they are making you feel. Tell them what they do that hurts your feelings or makes you angry. Calling them out is the first step in an important discussion.
7. Communicate Skillfully
Be careful with the choice of words you’re using. Do not say intentional things that you know are going to hurt their feelings. Show that you are truly interested in what they have to say and the way they feel. Discussing things does absolutely no good if the other party feels like you don’t care anyways. Don’t ask just to ask – care about it. Care about the feelings of the person you are involved with. Be concerned and make it a point that you don’t care about only your feelings.